There's been quite a few times now.
I just wanted to crash.
And burn.
Because that seems easier than what's been going on.
I'm scared to fall with him.
Because I don't know how to love the right way.
I love unconditionally without preset requirements.
And that's how I get hurt.
I know that the second option is terrible.
And won't take me to a better place.
But with the first, there is hope.
There is trust to be had.
But there's just as many problems, if not more.
There's a girl who has him wrapped around her finger.
And he fails to see it, daily.
If only he knew how easy it'd be to let go.
To give up.
Only to walk into my open arms.
And that's what stings the most.
I don't want to be the mature one anymore.
I want to make mistakes.
I want to fuck up so bad there's no turning back.
But I can't do that anymore.
Once you start making smart decisions,
You rethink your every move and it makes everything hurt.
There's no more fun to be had.
I hate weighing my options,
But i know that's the only right way to do any of this now.
All he wants is to lust after me.
And that's what I'm turning the other to, too.
and I feel terrible for that.
I am more than a body.
More than a mouth.
More than a hand.
I am so much more.
I am a fucking human.
Why can't I be more to at least one of you than I am now?
Am I that unloved?
You are the smell before the rain.
You are the blood in my veins.
Call me a safe bet..
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