you are everything to me.

And when I feel the most empty,
I feel the most whole.
I don't like these thoughts or these feelings.
It's satisfying for everything,
Except my own damn brain.
I'm not even sure what I want anymore.
I thought it was obvious that I wanted you.
But I guess that's even becoming confusing now.
Terrance spoke the words so eloquently..
And I see no reason to argue with what he said.
But just because he's strong enough to say the words to me,
Doesn't mean I'm strong enough to put them into action.
I'm not that strong.
Nathan was so, so, fucking right.
I hate him for it.
I wish that all of you knew me half as well as him..
Then maybe you'd all understand why I do what I do..
But then again, maybe not.
Maybe that's where all the appeal is.
But he fell asleep before he could answer my question.
Which I guess was good, no matter what I'd like to believe.

So here I am,
Stuck as fuck.
And I can't make a good decision anymore.
And I'm starting to accept it..
Which is just another bad decision to add to the list.
I'm so, so, sorry.
But..
I can't save me from myself again.
I just can't do it anymore.
I hope one day you can all forgive me.