As I struggle through each and every year.

I never wanted this.
I never wanted this.
I never wanted to be the reason you failed.
I never wanted to be the reason that you gave up.
I wanted to be your inspiration.
I wanted to be your motivation.
But most importantly, I wanted to leave you with a sense of self-motivation.
A sense of self-worth.
But I failed.
I couldn't give you that.
You gave me so much.
And I took so much from you.
You seem to have just grazed the my surface.
Barely digging any deeper.
Maybe it was my fault..
Maybe it was both of ours.
But I can't love like that anymore.
I can't love all the way.
I can't let him have everything.
I'm going to be okay this time.
I'm going to be self-sufficient.
I want to give him everything,
But you've scarred me.
You've left me broken, because of my lack of altering you.
I feel so worthless and incapable because of you.
I wish you wouldn't have even existed sometimes.
And it's terrible to say,
But we weren't meant to be.
Who knows if I'm meant to be with anyone.
It's too early to tell,
Too late to try.
I just want to be fucking happy.
Why can't I have that?