I'm going to write him a letter.

I'm going to tell him exactly how I feel.
Last night made me realize he's human too.
He's not perfect.
He's close, but not completely.
He's a much better person than me.
But we both have our flaws.
I didn't realize how much he cared,
He didn't lead on to how much he needs me.
I've wrecked him.
He was my beautiful disaster for a while.
There's a whole in him that only I can fill, and vice versa.
He has his thoughts and I have mine.
He has his friends and I have mine.
But this shouldn't change things.
He's been so good to me,
I'm not nearly as thankful as I should be.
But nights like that make me realize,
I would be no where if it weren't for him.
He's helped make me the person I am now.
He tells me I am who I am.
I'm unique, I'm creative, I'm beautiful.
Even when I can't stand to believe any of it,
He reassures and reminds me.
I love him.
I don't think I'll ever feel the same way about anyone, ever, ever again.
I've told him I want to marry him,
And that's stupid.
I know.
So much can change within just ONE week.
I saw it happen last year right around this time.
But from then, I've learned.. it's going to be hard to find someone else like him.
Someone who cares, who loves, who understands.
It's going to be difficult.
He has become such a big part of who I am,
Taking him away will screw up my image of myself.
I need him.
And I realize that's not always healthy,
But it's true.
I'm not going to lie.
I really don't know what I'd do without him.
All these ridiculous scenarios swirl around in my head..
What would happen if he or I moved on?
We both would want the other person to move on eventually right?
I don't know if I could.
He's been in my life since the beginning of high school.
He's everything that I know.
I'd be lost.
Back to the point,
I love him.
So I'm going to write him a letter telling him how much I appreciate him.
When he's trying to break my shell even more,
When he's holding me when I break down for no reason,
When he's bringing me back from the depths I fall into,
When he's forcing me to realize what I'm doing.
When he's showing me what life really is.
I love him.
I really really really really love him.
I went astray once,
I had new experiences,
I met new people,
And I realized I didn't want that nearly as much as I wanted him back.
And I almost couldn't get him back.
But I did.
And things got better,
And they've been getting better ever since.
I loved him before that,
I love him during it,
And I love him now.
I don't know if that'll ever change.
He was my first kiss,
And my first love.
I'll never forget him.