Energy.

Why do I always become so obsessed with what I know I can't have?
Why do I always want what's so very, very wrong?
Why am I always wondering what it's like to cross over?'
Why am I always want to watch people fail?
Why am I so mean?
Maybe I'm just better at not letting it show, but there's so many horrible things I can say/think.
At the beginning, I let the emotions fuel me and make me better,
Then I aimed the hate and anger at myself, (Which was very destructive, I don't suggest it.)
THEN I started aiming it at other people, and here we are today.
I guess it's human nature,
But it feels a lot safer when it's just aimed at myself.
Then nothing can go wrong,
Except everything that went wrong.
The cutting.
The starving.
The hating.
Yeah, maybe I'll take that last statement back,
Maybe it wasn't the best option.
I guess my next goal is to find something constructive to do with it.
Hm.