LC#2

“So many things I’d say, if only I were able..”

You pull the car over,

Pull out your pack,

light a cigarette,

And exit.

I sit there for a second.

I open the door, lock the car, and head to where you’ve stalked off to.

What’s wrong?

Why won’t you tell me?

Please explain to me.

Oh. 

So YOU feel like I’M critical?

I am.

But your priorities are out of order.

You’ll buy games, cigarettes, and drinks even,

But you won’t buy me a gift for our two-year?

Makes sense.

Lots of sense.

But things have changed in my mind now.

I leave, and cry.  You wait.

I curled up into a ball on the side of the bike path,

Just waiting.

When would you come?

Would you come?

Five minutes later, I’m shivering and I hear your footsteps.

You offer your hands,

Consolation.

You feel you’ve done wrong,

But I realize the wrong-doing is my own.

This is a concept a have a hard time understanding and accepting.

I don’t know how to make it better yet.

Ive hurt you.

I hate to realize that.

I hate to have to understand it.

I’m always the injured one.

You’re always the savior.

Role reversal.

You’re no longer the protector,

You’re what needs to be protected.

Sometimes I forget you need me sometimes, too.

There’s no way I can apologize for the words,

that came tumbling out of my mouth today.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

How can I make it up to you?

But my words aren’t clear, they’re mumbled In between sobs.

I’m worrying I can’t make this better.

Please God, help me make this better.

I can’t be wrong forever.

I can’t let this be my fault.

Each time, It has been my fault.

It can’t be this time.

It just CAN’T be.

This can’t be it,

It can’t end tonight.

It’s not supposed to.

It’s not meant to.

Please God..

But a change of heart. 

He offers his coat,

Says it’s cold, and that we need to leave.

“I just don’t know what I’m going to do.”

All along, this wasn’t truly about me.

It was about you.

Who knew.