Delete

cuz it helps to write when i don't know what to do anymore
it helps when i feel this mania
comparable to crank and whatever other books I've read
by Ellen Hopkins about druggies
and poor kids with mental issues.
i feel bad for them because
i can
SEMI
relate.

I know how it feels to be totally out of control
to not be able to keep your words in your own head
i know what its like to want to just SCREAM
to just beat it into their heads
to show them how fucked up you are
and why it's their fault
and why its NOT their fault.
i know what its like

but i don't know
how to sympathize
how to explain the passion
behind how i feel internally
because it feels like when i talk
its an explosion of shitty expressions
and meaningless slurs.

because i can never speak perfectly
because my vocabulary can never reach
the potential i thought it had
because i can never REACH it
its always so close
but so far away
and always out of my reach by a thousand..th of a millimeter.

and its such a low sometimes
its so low that you aren't even suicidal anymore(ever)
you've just given up
and you're feeling horrible about it
because you know how much better
you could be doing
but you don't care about it
because you think you should
but you don't have the energy
mentally, that is,
to figure it all out.

i just wish it would all work out.
i just wish people didn't hate me.
i just wish i wasn't so stupid about

EVERYTHING.