A Dedication? Nahh.

Blog foooor 2-2-09!

So today, was an interesting day. Over the past few weeks, I've given up filtering EVERY single thing i say. Good thing? I would say so. But it's not. It means I'm an open book, my guard is down, and you could find out a lot about me in just a few moments. I guess it's what I've been waiting for. I had two people before to talk to, but they disapeared out of my life (my fault.. sorry guys) And now I have another. It hasn't been more then.. say 9 months or so. But it feels like a long time and I needed an escape. Thank god I have one now. Not that life isn't confusing still. It still is. Don't get me wrong. But by no means is it quite as bad as it used to be. It's so much easier now. Plus, there's a common goal we share. (New Years Res. too. haaah) So time to freewrite? I give myself... say 2.5 minutes. Ready? Not yet, I gotta get a timer...GO

So I'm making you describe something right now.. right? Right. You wanna know why? Because it adds to my fantasy of what could happen in the future. As horrible as it sounds, it really just. Makes me happy. Almost euphoric. Because having the feeling that I'm wanted in that way really really really really makes me realize that I'm more of a person than I chose to believe i am. Somehow you know it too. Idc if we're not even FRIENDS in the next two years. Because what you make me feel now just.. can't even be put into words. I feel so much more. I don't even know the words. It's just amazing. Fantastic. Beautiful. Just plainly amazing. AH. You don't even know. I hope you read this. I hope you internalize it. I hope you just understand what you do to me. it may seem like I'm not affected by ANYTHING any more. But I swear I am, more than you even know.

Okay. I gotta go to bed. G'night.
-JP