I'm wide awake.

I just want someone to tell me I'm doing a good job.  I want them to tell me that they know and I know it will be hard.  I want them to tell me that despite that, I will succeed, or at least have some sort of success in the end.  I want someone to tell me that this is a hard transition in my life.  I want someone to recognize the hard work I've already put in and congratulate me for graduating.  I want someone to sincerely tell me they're proud of me without any snarky comments about being sentimental.  I want someone to sit back and look over the past 18 years of my life with me to comment, remember stories, and reminisce.  I want someone who wants to be with me through the tough times and through the fun times.  I want someone who will stand with me and love me.  I want a mom that gives a fuck and doesn't have to be mean to me and tell me I need to "get my shit together" because I lost my keys.  I want a mom that lets me make mistakes and helps me instead of critiquing me for every single step.  I want a mom who doesn't make me want to cry every single time something important happens in my life.  I want a mom who doesn't yell at me before I go off to something important to me, like a performance.  I want a mom that would actually WANT to come to my graduation.  I want a mom who would actually WANT to come to the academic breakfasts, the guard competitions, the musicals, the choir concerts, the band parties, and the vacations we never got to take as a family.  I want a mom who isn't dragged down with my elderly, sick grandfather.  I want a mom who isn't neurotic.  I want a mom who knows how to balance house work, paperwork, animals, and family.  I don't think she realizes it's over.  Molly is going to move out.  I'm going to try and move out as soon as I fucking can.  This house isn't a home anymore.  This family isn't a family.  And it's all over now.  But she's let go too soon.  Was she ever even holding on?