I'm sorry.

No, I'm not okay.
I can't lie to you.
I was never really good at it anyhow.
You always figure it out.
You first asked why, but then abandoned that ship.
So then you asked what triggered it:
I can tell you that now.
You're parents wanting me to eat.
Why in the hell would that trigger ANYTHING?
It was not because I don't want to eat.
I mean, I don't, but that's beside the point.
It was because I know your parents think I don't like them
And nothing is further from the truth.
I fucking love them,
But I wish there were other ways to prove it.

Moving along.. that's not really the reason why I feel like this.
I took a three month break from myself.
And the vacation is over.
I forgot what a wreck I can be.
The being strong thing?
For a while, I forgot why it was such a big deal to me,
And now I remember why.
I fucking NEED to be loved and protected and cared for.
I cannot survive without that.
And I know it's unhealthy,
And I know it's wrong..
But how can you stop doing something you've been doing for forever?

I know this is not what you bargained for.
I know this is not what you thought you were getting yourself into.
I know.
Trust me, I know.
But you must promise me something..
If you can't do this.
Just leave now.
Don't hesitate.
But don't decide to keep taking it until it's too much to handle?
Because that will give me a false sense of security that I cannot bear.
I just need to know.
Because not every day is going to be sunshine and rainbows.
I know I used that to draw you in,
But it's not the case.
I'm sorry for lying to you.
I'm seriously sorry.