I'm sorry I scared you.
But I'm scared now, too.
I don't have anyone anymore.
No one except you.
And that forces me to be okay on my own.
And that isn't something I'll excel at.
I know I need to grow up.
I know I depend on you too much.
I know I'm not strong enough.
And I know I need help.
Because constantly having this knot in my throat
Is irritating.
Especially when I was okay for such a long time.
What the hell changed?
Oh right.
I stopped ignoring.
And started observing.
I'm not perfect,
And I don't aim to be.
I just always wish I was.
Not eating won't give me control.
At least not the kind of control I'd like.
Cutting won't do anything for me,
Except get my friends worried.
Depression just lets me fall into deeper shades of blue,
And exercise just lets me ignore the things that matter
While destroying my body.
When do I get to find my anodyne?
When can I stop lying when I say "I'm fine"?
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