Hey.

I'm feeling really fucking terrible right now.
Not physically, though I do have a cold.
I mean mentally.

The one boy I couldn't give up for such a long time..?
Yeah him?
Yeah.
He texted me last night.
He told me that he was a little tipsy.
I said fine.
This should be interesting.
Later on, he told me he wouldn't have texted me had he been sober.
"I'm much too responsible sober."
Well then.
I guess he was just looking for some interesting conversation.
I told him I was older and wiser, and things were different now.
And I was in a much better position.
He told me I was still human.
I was still just jenna.
He went on to say that I would associate people from my past with my past self.
Despite all of my knowledge gained, I wouldn't apply it dealing with him.
True words never spoken.
MAYBE.
But maybe not.
Maybe I have learned.
I said, "maybe you don't have to only be a part of my past."
And he ended it by crushing that.
"That would mean only being friends."

Why is that all I fucking am to you.
Why is that all I fucking am to almost everyone.
I'm only fun for what I can give.
Not for who I am.
Or what I am.
Because I'm pretty terrible,
I'll be the first to admit.
But few people ever give me the chance to prove I can be good.
I can be useful.
I can be helpful.
I can be a friend.
So I guess in all reality..
I really can't be those things.
No one wants me to be.