Breakdown.

I would really like to walk to the 7-11 down my street,
Get some coffee,
And walk back home..
But I don't want to be out in the world,
Left alone to my own thoughts.
I'm scared of myself.
I'm scared of what my anger has made me feel.
I'm scared of what it's made me think.
I didn't like myself then.
I'm starting to come back.
But right in that moment?
Wow.  Who the fuck was I?
Testosterone levels need to go back down.
That high, they are not acceptable in my body, mind, or spirit.
I need to make some more decisions.
Mainly that I need to get over it.
So far over it, that I'm under it.
I can't be okay until then,
And I know what being happy feels like.
And I want to go back.
I don't want to be selfish anymore.
I don't want to be angry or jealous or pissed or lost anymore.
I don't want to be confused either, but out of all of these emotions,
I'm okay with being confused.
At least confusion is a self-aware state.
Anger is not.
Anger is bad.
I almost felt too far gone.
And I don't want to ever feel like that again.
It's like.
There's no release from that until you agree it won't do any good.
There's NOTHING, not a THING I can do to change you.
I can't turn back time and make you realize that you were fucking up.
I can't, I just can't.

You have made an impact on me.
You're forcing me to learn,
Whether or not you know it.
I just want to let you know.
I can't care about you anymore.
I don't love you,
And right now, I don't even like you as a friend.
I'd say I'm sorry.. But I can't.
I've done my growing up.
It's your turn.