He finds his way back in.
He doesn't even have to try.
He just gets in.
And I, being weak and stupid..
LET HIM.
It's a treat to pass by your house.
It's sad when it's on the way to someone else's house.
Someone who can't be in the picture when you're in the picture.
It kills me.
Literally kills me.
Seeing your face on Thursday..
I died a little on the inside.
I miss you more than words can describe.
But there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
And now she's not there to stop me either.
Now all I have to worry about is the one person who actually cares about me in this world.
I am so fucked.
So, so fucked.
What the hell am I supposed to do?
Just give up and pretend like everything is fine,
That you don't exist,
and these problems aren't actually there?
What happens when I try to bring it up with him.
He's already asked.
"Have you been talking to him?"
Cleverly avoided.
But I can't go on like this forever.
The only safety I have is within this blog.
I know that you BOTH are too lazy to read it.
Maybe you do sometimes, but never him.
So I'm safe.
On facebook?
Not so much.
But I can't delete our conversations.
It makes me really sad when I do.
Like I'm purposefully losing part of my history.
You were a reason to add to my battle scars.
They haven't faded yet.
The lines are still there, white as ever, fucking glowing on my wrist.
I can't show you exactly which one was from which time.
But I can show you all of them.
Collectively.
Too bad they're all jumbled up in my mind.
Too bad I'm feeling a little depressive right now.
Where'd the mania go?
It's gone.
It faded.
A long, long time ago.
Oh well.
I guess I just have to keep telling myself,
"Third time's the charm."
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