I keep finding reasons to cry.
I keep pushing the feelings back,
But when I'm with him,
Being held in his arms,
The sorrow unfolds,
And he can only try to comfort me.
He doesn't understand why.
There's so many things you wouldn't normally think about.
Time keeps slipping away.
Every second is a second you'll never get back.
If this year passes by too fast, and I don't document it,
I will forget it.
I have memory problems,
And they've become more apparent to me.
I cannot remember most of my middle school years,
And Freshmen year is pretty hazy.
Parts of Sophomore year are cloudy,
And this year, some people are starting to notice.
And to be honest?
This scares me.
What if I wake up one day,
And I completely forget?
What if I can't remember who I was when I fell asleep?
How can I keep myself here?
I don't know.
I'm so afraid.
I just wish there was a way to make it better.
There's other things I mourn, as well.
Like what it's going to be like when He moves on.
What will happen to me?
I'll be very lost without him.
Plus, will I remember the times we've shared?
Will I remember how he made me feel?
What will happen if I don't?
It seriously frightens me to think about these things.
I think I have to stop,
Even though I know they won't go away.
I just wish I knew what to do.
1 comment:
Keep documenting. If anything like that ever happens, we'll remind you. The people who care about you will stand close by, telling you, showing you, reminding you, and helping you. I know exactly what you mean here, it's scary. But it's okay. You aren't going to forget everything. You have to keep yourself in the present moment, hold yourself there. But don't forget who you have if anything ever happens. You aren't and never will be alone. lemme know if you ever need to talk. Love you, Jenna.
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