[Last blog.
Last chance.
I hope you’ll understand.]
I feel like we’re slipping apart because we have different futures. I want yours to align so perfectly with mine, but I know that won’t probably happen. Why? I love you too much to let go. I know we have another year to go, but I also know that after that I might be gone. I don’t want to leave you, but I need to learn and grow on my own. Away from Trenton. Away from my family and friends. I think that’s the only way I’ll learn to be independent and take smart risks.
But I still want you there.
I just don’t know how it’ll work.
Maybe I should stop worrying so much. This school year isn’t even half over yet. You’ve only missed one semester. You’re going to get a job, just like you were going to get a car, which you did. I’m proud of you for that. I knew it took a lot. But now it’s on to finding a school and finding a job. I know you can do it, I just don’t know when. You don’t have the same drive as me, it seems. And that’s fine, but I want us to align, remember? I don’t know if it’ll work. I want it to so, so badly.
Please let this work.
Please let us work.
We’ve both put WAY too much into this for my stupid perfect ideal to screw with what reality is and what I already have. I love you, and I don’t know if that’ll ever change. And I know it’s stupid and very teenage as me, but I’m going to wait for you, (in a completely different sense). I’m going to wait and hope for some common ground between us. It’s almost like we’re complete opposites at times. Which worries me too.
Why am I so worried?
I have time.
But time is slipping away from me. Deadlines are approaching, I’m nowhere near completion. I don’t have anyone to ask for help.. I’m lost. But I’m going to do this. I’ve spent far too long planning. I’m going to write a novel. There’s NO doubt about that. I’m going to finish off this year doing the best that I can, and I’m going to give my solstice song my all.
It’s all going to work out in the end,
Right?
1 comment:
It's okay to worry, it's not something easily let go of. But try not to, right now is not the future, but it's almost the past. Hold onto what you've got right now and have fun with it. Enjoy each and every minute of it. Don't let anything or anyone hold you back from what you want. And yes it will be alright the end. Somehow, cause i have no idea how, it does work out. Everything falls into place. And don't stress about the novel, you can write. holy crap that was a ridiculously and obnoxiously long comment. :D
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