Hello. It’s been a long time. I missed you, in a warped, self-loathing kind of way. Your re-appearance in my life means two things: personal satisfaction and drama. More drama than I can handle sometimes. I’ve missed you, nothing in me can deny that, but I do not miss what comes along with this. I can’t lie to everyone anymore, but I can’t exactly tell them the truth. You mean a lot to me, despite the negativity that surrounds me when you’re involved. I can’t talk about you because I’ve hurt the person I love the most in this world because of you (and my own immaturity) I don’t want to mess this up again. Can’t we just be friends? Can’t we go back to knowing barely anything about the other and only wondering about them? Not hoping? I wish we could go back, but you know much too much about me, and I know much too much about you. I wish things weren’t so complicated and you didn’t cause chaos every time you got involved. Perhaps I should stop blaming you solely for this. Part of it is me, and I won’t deny that. Why can’t we make this work? Why does it have to turn into something bad? I swear that this is the last time I’ll do this. If it doesn’t work this time, I might have to give up. No, I WILL give up. I promise you that. No matter whose fault it is, if this gets messed up ONE more time, we have to BOTH give up. We aren’t meant for each other and that has become super clear. So goodnight, feel happy we’ve re-established this, but realize things have changed and still need to change. I’m glad you haven’t forgotten me.
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