This is RAW.

the words raced through my mind. what if he ever read this? i would be dead and i couldnt live with myself./ it was a secret. a secret i was sharing with someone I wasnt sure if i could trust, but if i could, nothng would happen. luckily, i currently trusted her. but how long would it last... and if I was so sure? why was I worrying? Did I want it to get out, to spread like wildfire? was i so desperate I'd want this to happen? So many questionsabsolutely no answers? How much had I changed? Was this going to be hard? Yeah. This was going too far and i couldnt do a single thing about it. how hopeless, how insane sounding, how.. pathetic! If I kept writing, pouring my sould out, and adressing it to someone that was definetely a third party that could send it to anyone else.. was it really worth it? For a secret to be revieled and nothing to help, was this the factual truth? ....Did I care?

~

With everything so confusing I can't think straight and I can't even begin to make changes. To be who I really want to be. To be who I was before? NO. I hate her. I never want her back. But her qualities.. I can't not want back. She was innocent, pure.. who I wish I could be. But I despise her. She's everything I'm not now. And I can't handle that. It's too much. It's.. everything I want. It's what I think i need. But I really don't need it. I've learned so much and going back to that would mean I'd have to re learn it. And it's not worth that. It'll never was. I need to get over it. Over the hurt. Over the frustration. Because it's not doing anything helpful for me. And hell no, I wouldn't of passed the opportunity up.. because for once.

For one single moment.

I could live.

I could be free.

I could be...

Me.

sorry guys. just.. everything hit me.